I want more from life, remembered

5/3/20

369.4 pounds today up from a this-time-low of 312 but still down from an all-time-high of about about 470 pounds. Knees that hurt everyday, beginning suddenly while vacationing in Virginia Beach, motivated me to place a bet on Healthy Wage and rejoin WW in April 2018. I remember propping my knee on the pull out love seat while twisting my neck to stare at the beach through the oceanfront patio door, watching everyone else freely walking the boardwalk, imagining the feel of the wind and the sun. I summarized my motivation with the phrase I Want More From Life.

I cannot understand or solve the why today, but I can make changes that will turn my health back around. Gaining from 312 up to 370 does not have to continue back up to 470 this time. I wrote some rules to help me.

  1. Eat between 8 am and 6 pm.
  2. Keep a schedule for waking, bed, exercise, writing, meals, reading, and TV.
  3. Three meals and one dessert.
  4. Exercise.
  5. Avoid reading or TV before work and exercise. This includes news.

5/6/20 My teen daughter was gone with friends almost all day today for the first time in weeks due to Covid restrictions. I ate more than I have the last few days, but not like I had been before I set the 8 to 6 eating window.

The ten hour eating window is not easy but it seems like a reasonable way to eat and like something I should teach Belle. I would much rather be sensible about my eating than overeat or diet. I am so tired of 1200 calorie diets, and I hate very low carb diets. So much of my life since I was 12 or so has been spent on diets.

Thursday 5/7/20

I did OK today but now it is after 6 and I sit here wanting to eat but not wanting to gain. So I am not eating. Why can I resist now when I go weeks and sometimes months acting on impulse? How do I keep thinking about my goals before I give into a binge? Give into a binge? That phrase tells me something about the core beliefs underlying my behavior: I give in – because IT is too powerful, and I tried resisting, but I am too weak. ? I need to explore this.

For now the only actionable insight I have is that there is nothing binge-worthy in the house. Nothing ready, at least (I could bake something). So right now my best bet is to keep binge-worthy food out of the house. I can do that. I do not have to like it.

SO now I have to take several items out of my WalMart grocery app cart. Crap.

Chickpea Parsley Salad

Sauté some minced garlic and onion until fragrant. Add Adobo, cumin, and a little cayenne. Then add a rinsed and drained can of chickpeas.

Toss half of the chickpeas (or use the whole can for two servings) with diced parsley, tomato, cucumber, and green onion.

Dress with lemon juice, olive oil, and freshly ground black pepper.

Breakfast recipes

60% or higher cacao is delicious, full of antioxidants, and it might help alleviate some of my depression and anxiety symptoms. There is research to support this. I try to add dark chocolate to breakfast or cocoa powder to my morning latte. This morning chocolate fix leaves me satisfied until lunch. When my nightly cravings hit I remind myself about chocolate at breakfast and make myself wait. (I think about food way too much.)

Chocolate PB Toastie

Two slices of whole grain bread

1 tsp butter

1 tbs peanut butter

1 serving of 60% cacao chocolate chips

Heat a skillet. Dry grill one side of the bread. Remove to a plate and melt the butter in the skillet. Place the bread back in the skillet to grill the other side and immediately top one of the slices with the chocolate chips so they will melt. Remove the bread to a plate and let it cool for a few minutes before adding the peanut butter.

Sliced banana is good on this also.