I accidentally made eye contact, and the seated woman glanced at me as I wove through tables, slid her eyes down me, and then fixed them on my huge and asymmetric belly, her expression empty, but the stare itself aggressive. Belle chose the table next to her, and the woman, a plain-looking woman with three small children, avoided looking my way after we sat. Eating frozen yogurt on the edge of the crowded mall food court, right by a busy smoothie stand, I felt so exposed, could feel hateful stares crawling all over me. I usually avoid meeting anyone’s eyes while we’re out since it’s all stares or stare throughs.
Yet Belle wanted to go to the mall, and I would walk through hell itself for her. We do not go out a lot because of my anxiety disorder, and I hate letting it affect her. Our outing drained me. I’ll send her to play outside tomorrow.
Breakfast was some of the maple-banana baked oatmeal. This recipe is so good, but I made it right before getting sick, and today I had to pick out the too-old bananas.
Lunch in the mall was a cheese steak stuffed potato at The Great Steak. So disappointing. Supposedly topped with peppers, onions, mushrooms, cheddar, and steak, this potato should have been colorful and nutritious, yet instead it left me wondering how the company can legally get away with using the words ‘steak’ and ‘cheddar’ to describe the items slapped on this potato, which had an unpleasant texture, as if it had been previously frozen. The veggies were from cans and barely there. This dish left me determined to make a real cheese steak stuffed potato and send a pic to the company. I ate about half of it, avoiding the yellow stuff they are somehow allowed to call cheese.
The frozen yogurt made up for lunch and answered my ice cream craving. I put two scoops of cookie dough and some crushed butterfingers on top. Even distracted by the mall crowd, I was able to enjoy it.
For dinner I had plain Greek yogurt sprinkled with one teaspoon of brown sugar then topped with cinnamon sprinkled nectarine slices. I prefer brown sugar rather than honey here because it gives more sweetness for fewer calories, and I like the subtle crunch.
Walking around the mall drained me. I did a little stretching but didn’t yet have energy for more. Soon.
Focus and motivation
I read articles and blogs. I will pray tonight, too, since I’m behind on commenting on other people’s successes on sparkpeople and facebook. Commenting is powerful, but I am drained.