Awakening

“The goodness of God is the highest prayer, and it comes down to the lowest part of our need.”  – Julian of Norwich

I cooked! I’ve been singing (Belle didn’t miss that) and planning Easter. I feel this afternoon like I’ve been very sick with the flu or a bad migraine, and today I’m much better, and loving how wonderful it feels to be well.

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Dinner was rotisserie chicken, roasted vegetables over spring mix and mustardy balsamic vinaigrette, and home-made stuffing. Belle requested the stuffing.

Breakfast was a whole wheat tortilla, tablespoon of peanut butter, and banana. Lunch was about 3/4 cup of cottage cheese and one cup of canned pineapple.

I’m coming back out of the depressive episode. My brain is working better and faster today. Yesterday I could barely type to log my meals, and I had no patience to read articles at sparkpeople, expecting to find nothing but vacuously cheerful fluff. Even playing music didn’t help – every song was too loud or poisoned with dark memories. I fight depression as hard as I can; I am an optimist and work hard to maintain a good attitude, but there is no cheering myself out of depression on the worst days, when my brain simply doesn’t work. I just have to rough it out and work to minimize the impact on Belle.

We’ve been eating convenience foods on paper plates with plastic utensils, but I kept it as healthy as possible.

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Thank God for rotisserie chicken and bagged salad, yogurt, cottage cheese, and fruit! Belle told me this morning she is going to die from chicken poisoning. “Can’t a person eat too much chicken, Mama?” she demanded.

I’ve prayed a lot. I believe it helps. Last night I started reading a book written over 600 years ago by a Christian mystic named Julian of Norwich. It is fascinating and comforting.

 

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